Curiosities of Cosplay: Fawnina

(Originally published Spring 2021)

The upheaval and change of this last year has tested the endurance of even those who pride themselves on adaptability. Even hobbies we enjoy are challenged during hard times, whether from events in the world or growth within ourselves as we confront them. Fawnina, known as Niina Thlayli on Ultros, is no stranger to both kinds of change challenging her (as if cosplay is not challenging enough already!). Nina’s answer? Step back, reassess, and recognize the lessons learned from those moments in your life when things are uncertain and tumultuous. That perspective is evident in how she approaches her sewing projects as well, as she tackles new skills and techniques with each cosplay to hone her craft. We discussed at length the perspectives she’s gained throughout various parts of her cosplay journey, particularly through the last year, and I hope our discussion gives readers a new outlook and guidance for their own projects going into the year ahead.

Tell us a little about yourself! How did you get your start cosplaying?

Hi there, I’m Nina! Most commonly known as “Fawnina” when it comes to cosplay, or “Niina Thlayli” around Eorzea (Ultros, represent!). I’ve been cosplaying since 2007, and while I used to do so professionally, I stepped back from it to instead focus on my career… which, thanks to the pandemic, is pretty much at a standstill right now. Outside of cosplay, I’m a passionate writer, avid runner, and FFXIV addict, as well as a fur mom to a three-year-old Aussie named Kojak and a year-old kitten named Vaan. When I’m not gaming or indulging in my various hobbies, I can be found hiking with my fianceé, experimenting with recipes in the kitchen, or staring off into the distance while I zone out and daydream about my OCs.

My introduction to cosplay happened in my sophomore year of high school. I did a Google search for pictures of the Inuyasha cast, and amidst screenshots from the anime, there were a few photos of people dressed up as the characters. Out of curiosity, I clicked on them, and that brought me to Cosplay.com (which, at the time, was the centralized online presence for everything cosplay-related). I dove deep into the forums that day and discovered that, believe it or not, it was possible to dress up on occasions other than Halloween – and there was a whole hobby for it! There were even entire events dedicated to my favorite anime and video game series, and people would attend those in costume! It was mind-blowing to me, and as a creative individual with a handful of basic home economics classes under her belt who enjoyed making her own Halloween costumes, I was instantly hooked.

Coincidentally, the following night was the release party for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows at Borders. I spent that morning and afternoon hastily throwing together a Hermione costume, using items in my closet and hitting up my local thrift store. I designed a S.P.E.W. badge in Microsoft Word that I stuck in a button pin, painted yellow stripes onto a red tie that I’d sewn together, and had my mom style my hair so it was big and bushy. An old ginger cat plushie served as Crookshanks to complete the look. It was by no means a “good” cosplay, but other fans were so kind and welcoming at the event that it didn’t matter; they were just excited to see Hermione! And as a kid who was relatively shy and struggled with low self-esteem, each and every compliment was… incredibly encouraging. I think that experience was responsible for helping me have more confidence in myself so that I could start to come out of my shell.

Later that year, I attended my first Youmacon, back when it was held at a Sheraton in Troy, Michigan rather than a huge conference center in downtown Detroit. My friend and I dressed up as Hayner and Olette from Kingdom Hearts 2; I’d spent over a month making our costumes, which involved teaching myself how to design stencils, dye fabric, and alter sewing patterns. Again, they were not perfect cosplays; seriously, we didn’t even have wigs! But other fans of the game were so excited to see two of the Twilight Town characters represented, and that enthusiasm reinforced that this was a hobby I definitely wanted to pursue.

Thirteen years later… here we are! 

You have a wide variety of costumes alongside your XIV cosplays, everything from ballgowns to kimonos to modern outfits. How do you approach choosing your next project?

When choosing a costume, I primarily base it on how much I love the character, but I also look for a design that will provide the opportunity for me to learn a new technique. Making a costume that uses skills I already know is nice, certainly, but I like to challenge myself to learn new methods of crafting, or practice ones that I’m still trying to grasp. For example, while the Lady’s Pinkfly Yukata wasn’t necessarily challenging in terms of sewing, it required hours upon hours of appliqué satin stitching around some very complex shapes. Satin stitching to that extent was something I’d never done before, so it was a great opportunity to really sit down and practice that particular skill!

When tackling a costume like the Carbuncle Attire, which has many layers and pieces, how do you break down the construction of the outfit? What considerations do you have for the different materials and methods you use to ensure all the costume’s pieces come together coherently?

First and foremost, I start by breaking the outfit down into its different components, then I begin to make decisions about how I want to interpret each of those components. Carbuncle in particular took months of research and planning; I poured my creative soul into choosing materials and techniques for that design, as I really wanted it to reflect my personal artistry and costuming style. It was a project that was deeply close to my heart, mainly because I was challenged to come up with creative ways of translating the design to real life. It took nearly a year of hard work, but I was so thrilled with the result! Debuting it at Katsucon 2020 and meeting so many other FFXIV fans that weekend was one of the best cosplay experiences I’ve ever had.

My main consideration to maintain a cohesive look for a costume is ensuring that I’m using either all warm tones or all cool tones. There are, of course, exceptions to this rule, but it goes a long way for making sure everything comes together coherently, rather than looking like a hot mess, as I like to call it. I always make it a point to source swatches and other product samples before purchasing yardage so that I can compare the materials in real life; this helps to make sure nothing clashes before I’ve dropped tons of money.

You mentioned with the Carbuncle Attire that you wanted to experiment with different textures, such as the beautiful embossing on the book. Do you usually set a personal goal for yourself when you take on a new project?

Yes, every project I tackle has a personal goal attached to it! For my Songbird Attire, I was specifically focused on recreating the silhouette. This challenged me to draft and create a cupcake hoopskirt from scratch; it also made draping the pattern for the jacket much more challenging, as I had to ensure it would flow smoothly over that cupcake shape. Additionally, this project required documenting every single step and detail, as I was coordinating a cosplay group and needed to provide patterns and instructions for my fellow Songbirds. It definitely gave me flashbacks to the actual idol cosplay groups I’ve participated in before, haha!

You were posting WIP shots of minute details in your costumes even back in 2015. Have you always been so detail-oriented in your work, or was that something you learned to enjoy when you first got into cosplaying?

I’m a perfectionist with OCD, so… yes! Tiny little details have always been important to me when it comes to my work, even before I began cosplaying. Granted, when I was a beginner costumer, the projects I chose weren’t always detail-oriented; I was still learning the basics of crafting. However, as I developed my skills and began to attempt more difficult designs, focusing on the detailwork became a huge part of my process. I’ve always admired art pieces where you notice something new every time you look at it, so I try to keep that in mind when deciding how I want to bring a costume to life. (And FFXIV designs provide so many opportunities for that, just saying!)

Providing such detailed shots of your costumes is a boon for other cosplayers looking for ideas, inspiration, or recommendations for resources and methods. You also created cosplay progress videos on your YouTube channel, MangoSirene, for several years. What attracted you to pursuing an instructional angle when posting about your WIP cosplays?

At that time, many cosplay guides and other resources were limited to text and image tutorials. The cosplay “niche” on YouTube was dominated primarily by skits, both filmed privately and during convention masquerades. Although I was a young cosplayer at the time with a lot to learn (and, boy, did I learn the hard way for most of it), I’d often get asked questions of what I thought was common knowledge: how to start cosplaying, where to buy wigs, how to handle con hotel rooms, and so on. I was getting bored with doing television episode reviews, so I figured, hey, why not make videos to share some of that cosplay knowledge with people who are just getting into the hobby? And from there it unpredictably snowballed.

I continued to pursue the instructional angle because, at the end of the day, teaching is something I deeply enjoy – to the point where it inspired me to return to school to earn my Master’s Degree in Education after I stepped down from professional cosplay. It’s a very rewarding feeling to help others learn something new that they can apply to their own art!

Since you’ve switched from creating content on YouTube to focusing on Twitter, Instagram, and Twitch as your main social media platforms, what has changed in your cosplay process (particularly with Twitch)?

Streaming my crafting process on Twitch required me to think more carefully about the steps required to complete a task; specifically, estimating how long each step will take to finish. I notoriously underestimate task completion times, but streaming really helped me develop that skill, i.e. I used to estimate styling a spiked wig would take around 3-4 hours, but based on stream recordings I have saved, I know it’s often more like 6-8 hours!

I think cosplay streaming has also helped me when initially choosing what projects I want to make. Streaming, at its core, involves entertaining an audience, so one of my deciding factors for selecting future costumes became, “Will people enjoy seeing me work on this?” If the answer was “no,” then chances are I wouldn’t enjoy working on it myself! It’s helped me narrow down my costume choices to projects that I can stay enthusiastic about from start to finish.

Are there any unexpected lessons you’ve learned in terms of having a healthy relationship with cosplaying and the cosplay community since changing how you present your process and costumes online?

Whew, okay… buckle up.

My answer to this question would have been very, very different prior to the COVID-19 pandemic. Right before we went into quarantine here in the United States, I was just getting back into guest appearances at conventions, selling prints, offering digitized patterns, and taking commission work – or, to put it simply, what I considered a better approach for financially supporting my hobby without sacrificing my mental or physical health in the way I once did when pursuing the life of a “pro cosplayer.” Back in February and March, I fully intended to dive back into regular content and resource creation… but, of course, all of that changed when the pandemic struck.

The first couple weeks of quarantine were manageable, and I was able to continue working on my Miqo’te Starter Set here and there with the hope that, hey, maybe by autumn, I’d be able to wear it to a con! But the further we went into lockdown, as the death toll climbed and the quarantine was extended, the less I felt like crafting. It seemed so pointless to work on my costumes when hundreds of thousands were dying. My depression took a downward spiral, and both my anxiety and OCD became extremely difficult to manage as my perceived control over my life quickly went out the window. Pretty much all of my future plans fell apart, and I had nothing to look forward to – especially in terms of future conventions, as even now at my time of writing this, we don’t know when it will be safe enough to attend those events.

I managed to maintain my FFXIV streams for a few months into quarantine, but shortly after finishing my second playthrough of Shadowbringers with my community, I moved across the country to live with my girlfriend (now fianceé). By then, we were being bombarded with a constant onslaught of negative news, and eventually, I just… decided to take a hiatus from social media and streaming for the sake of my declining mental health. I deleted most of the apps without bothering to make an announcement. Instead of worrying about parasocial relationships, I chose to prioritize my personal relationships by supporting my friends who were dealing with grief over losing loved ones to the coronavirus, the stress of ongoing racial violence, and our mutual dread over the upcoming presidential election and what the results could mean for many of our basic human rights.

I think part of my decision to go on hiatus was also… creative shame? I kept seeing so many cosplayers who were able to continue churning out costumes, photoshoots, and TikToks amidst a global pandemic and it absolutely blew my mind that they were able to manifest artistic energy and optimism to keep making. Like… In just the last few weeks, my fianceé has lost her aunt and grandmother, and as of two days ago, my little brother tested positive for COVID, too – I can’t imagine finding the strength to sew a single seam amidst the grief and worry. I deeply admire those who have been able to continue creating and putting forth art into the world when we desperately need it, and I think I just felt… guilty for not being able to do the same.

However, I learned my lesson about burnout several years ago, so I do believe I made the right decision to step back and essentially take a year-long break from cosplay. If I’d continued to push myself to craft while trying to balance my mental health and the general stress of living through a literal global pandemic, I’m sure I’d be in a pretty bad place right now.

Thankfully, after the past weekend of positive election results, celebrations on social media, and getting engaged, I’m feeling much more hopeful for the future – and with that has come a surge of cosplay motivation! It may still be awhile before I start crafting and streaming again, but in the meantime, I’m feeling the itch to start researching and compiling materials for future projects. It’s a really, really good feeling, considering I haven’t felt the desire to so much as look at my sewing machine since February.

So, to sum that up as an answer to your question: the biggest lesson I’ve learned about having a positive relationship with cosplay is that it should never, ever take priority over your relationships and your personal health. Yes, it’s a livelihood for some, but for many of us, it’s a hobby. And a hobby should not come first before your loved ones and your own well-being. As with all good things, it is best in moderation, and you need to be able to step back from it when necessary – and without feeling guilty for doing so!

One idea you brought up that I’d love to touch on was the “creative shame” you felt seeing others produce content when creating had become painful for you. But the various ways you have presented your own cosplay work, from Youtube to Twitch, shows there are many ways to pursue your hobby, and one cosplayer’s journey will never look exactly like another’s. Having gone through a lot of reflection yourself both when you stepped away from “pro cosplaying” and now during the COVID lockdowns, do you have any words of advice for cosplayers who find themselves feeling “creative shame” when they feel like they “should” be creating costumes or content in a certain way?

I believe this type of “creative shame” is something that universally applies to all artists, not just cosplayers. I’ve seen illustrators, writers, photographers, and many types of makers lament that they haven’t been as productive with their artwork this year, and as a result, they feel like they’ve somehow failed while their peers have gone on to continue creating despite the circumstances 2020 has collectively thrown at us. It’s incredibly easy to slip into that mindset and beat ourselves up over not achieving this perceived level of productivity that we feel we need to fulfill in order to consider ourselves “successful.”

Taking that into consideration, I think the advice I want to emphasize the most is that the healthiest thing you can do as a cosplayer (or artist in general) is to never compare your journey to that of others. It’s very easy to look at someone’s social media and be amazed by how much content they’ve churned out during a global pandemic – but you’re not seeing what’s behind the scenes. Maybe they’re using their art as a coping method to distract themselves from the horror and stress of COVID, or to keep themselves sane while entering our tenth month of quarantine. Maybe they lost their job due to the virus, and their content creation is their only source of income right now. Maybe working on a costume provides them with a sense of control and normalcy amidst the chaos of this year. So while it’s easy to dismiss someone’s consistent content creation during the pandemic as a “superior” level of productivity compared to your own, recognize that they may be struggling just as much as you are. This may just be their own way of coping with the pandemic.

Furthermore, the definition of “success” has entirely changed in 2020. Sure, perhaps you usually finish five to ten cosplays every year, but this year you haven’t finished a single one. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Your goal for the rest of 2020 and onwards into 2021 until the pandemic resolves should be survival. You need to take care of yourself and your loved ones, and that includes your mental health. If you’ve taken a step back from cosplay this year because you just didn’t feel up to it, that’s good – it means you’re prioritizing your needs, and there is no reason to feel ashamed for that, regardless of what anyone else is doing. The day will come when you’ll feel ready to cosplay again; be patient, and until then, continue focusing on the activities that do help you manage the pandemic stress.

In the meantime, I’d suggest seeing if there are any other mediums in which your creativity wants to manifest right now! For example, although I haven’t had motivation to work on costumes, I’ve had a surge of motivation to write again, and I’ve even started drawing much more often than I did prior to the pandemic. I know plenty of cosplayers who are taking a break from that hobby, but they’ve picked up new ones instead, like breadmaking, needle felting, learning to play bass guitar, plant keeping, and even refinishing furniture. So while you may not feel inspired to cosplay, explore other creative outlets to see if something else can fill that void for you right now!

Given the topics you discussed in your stream on YouTube about your decision to pursue cosplay as a hobbyist, you put a lot of careful thought into your relationship with cosplay. Topics like body image, finances, and how to interact with your audience are just as relevant in the community now as they were three years ago. Have you been able to fold the good experiences of your cosplay career into your current creative process, and are there any aspects about professional cosplaying you miss?

Haha, oh, gosh. I miss the travel most of all, I think. I had the chance to visit so many new and exciting locations across the continent when I was frequently guesting at conventions. That being said, it was also difficult to be traveling so much; I remember one month where I had four conventions back-to-back, and by the end of it, I was dead on my feet. That’s not a schedule I could maintain now, especially while raising a kitten and a puppy.

As for other good experiences from that time of my life, I really enjoyed hosting panels where I could provide lessons and advice for other cosplayers. Nowadays, when I’m crafting, I try to make notes about my process and any “tips and tricks” I come across in case they may be helpful to others. It’s not quite the same, and I don’t have the time to invest in making extensive tutorials like I used to, but I’m always hopeful it’s of use to someone out there!

Any future FFXIV cosplay plans?

Pretty much all of my future cosplay plans are XIV-related! My fianceé and I are most excited to tackle Guydelot and Sanson once we get back to crafting, and we’d also like to make a few outfits for our own XIV characters. I wouldn’t mind tackling one of the Weathered LVL80 gear sets, too – and perhaps the Bard glam that my viewers dubbed my character’s “Lara Croft” outfit! (I do still need to finish that Miqo’te Starter Set first, though… Whoops.)

Tell us a bit about your character in-game! What is your main class, and what is your favorite way to spend your time in Eorzea?

My main class on Niina began as a 50/50 split between Bard and Monk, mostly due to her lore, but after reaching 80 on Machinist, it’s quickly become the class I most often play on her. That being said, I don’t often do much combat content with her these days; she’s become more focused on omnicrafting and housing. (My fianceé and I survived Housing: Savage back in October, hooray!) I do have several alts, and while most of them are for RP and/or cosplay inspiration purposes, one of my various catboys is my main combat and raiding character, who I play primarily as a tank. So if I was pressed to choose a class that I consider my overall favorite, I’d definitely go with Gunbreaker. I love the rotation and animations, along with giving my healer friends a heart attack whenever I pop a random Superbolide. You know, just for fun.

As for how I like to spend my time in Eorzea, I’m excited about getting more into housing now that I actually have a house to decorate! But I think my absolute favorite thing to do is roleplay. I’ve been into creative writing since I was in kindergarten, and I was deeply immersed in roleplaying during my middle school and high school years (not to date myself, but I started roleplaying way back on NeoPets and AOL chat boards, then went on to become heavily involved in those massive multi-fandom LiveJournal roleplay communities). I will say, one nice thing about this quarantine-induced break from cosplay and conventions is that I’ve had the time and creative energy to pursue writing again, especially in terms of roleplaying my FFXIV characters, both in game and otherwise. Being able to reconnect with that hobby (and, really, that part of myself) has been one of the positive highlights of these past nine months.

Thank you so much for taking the time to let us peek behind the curtain into your workshop! Is there anywhere our readers could find you online if they’d like to see more of your work?

I can’t guarantee how much work I’ll be producing as quarantine continues, but I’m slowly beginning to be active again on Twitter and Instagram, where I can be found as @fawnina! I’m also hoping I can begin streaming again on Twitch towards the beginning of 2021; my channel is – you guessed it – Fawnina! I can promise there will be a lot of FFXIV streams. 😀 Lastly, you can find my blog and portfolio at www.fawnina.com – it’s in dire need of an update, but that’s at the top of my to-do list for the upcoming year!